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“Gabon— Earth’s Last Eden.” The camera soars over the beautiful African landscape, full of rolling hills, trees, and other things that just happen to be there. “Full of ferocious animals,” an elephant is shown stomping, a gorilla pounding its chest, and a leopard leaping for nine feet. “Dangerous wilderness,” numerous monkeys hang from trees and alligators and hippos roam the waters. “And unknown powers,” A tiki idol is shown before the scene switches over to a desolate plain, marked only by a stone figured wielding a sword. The sexiest man alive, Reddy, is shown standing atop one of the hills. “Here, eighteen Americans, each from a different walk of life, will be marooned. Divided into three tribes with minimal resources, they will be forced to work together in order to create a new society, while battling the elements and ultimately each other. They must learn to adapt, or risk be voted out. At which point,” Reddy smirks. “They go to Redemption Island.” The entire world shrieks at the mention of such a God awful twist. “After a castaway is voted off, they will be sent to live in exile on Redemption Island, where they will wait for the next person to be voted off and sent to join them. At that point, the two outcasts will duel. The winner stays, the losers…” Reddy slowly motions his index finger across his throat. “At two select game intervals, the reigning champion of Redemption Island will re-enter the game, and continue on normally.” Reddy begins to walk down the hillside. “In the end, only one will be left standing; that person will be rewarded with one million dollars!” Reddy clears his throat. “Well, that’s basically everything. Stay tuned to find out who the castaways are, on Total… Drama… REDEMPTION ISLAND!” The world shrieks yet again. (Likely to-be-shortened Theme Song) Reddy finally makes it off the hill, and is now standing in the middle of an open plain. “Alright, it’s time to meet our castaways! They should be here any minute, considering they each get their own private helicopter ride to location…” As if on cue, the first helicopter lands, and skinny teenager with messy black hair hops off, making his way to Reddy. “Castaway numero uno, Kenny!” Reddy says. “Welcome to Gabon!” “Thanks, man,” Kenny says. “Hope the competitions not too tough, need to win this thing quick.” Reddy tilts his head. “And why is that?” “My mother’s house was recently broken into,” Kenny explains. He begins to tear up. “Whoa, dude, I’m sorry about that... What happened?” Reddy attempts to console Kenny. “They… They… They took my Xbox!” Kenny falls to the ground, crying in agony. Reddy face-palms as the helicopter lands and an older woman with curly, shoulder-length blonde hair walks out. “Hey, Lisa,” Reddy greets. “Don’t mind Kenny, these are tough times for him.” Lisa scoffs, “What, did he girlfriend leave him or something?” Reddy nods. “Some jerk stole her,” Lisa rolls her eyes. “Get over it, you wimp,” Lisa orders Kenny. Kenny sniffles and manages to stand on his feet. “Soon enough that girl will realize you men are all the same and she’ll leave that guy too.” Kenny blinks, slightly puzzled. “Wait, what?” before anyone can answer his question, the next helicopter drops off a black lady in a long blue and white dress. Her silver cross necklace shines in the sunlight, causing Lisa and Kenny to both freeze up. They exchange glances. “Oh, no…” Reddy grins ever-so sadistically. “Welcome, Diana,” “Greetings,” the newcomer does a curtsy. “Our other castaways have been DYING to meet someone like you.” Lisa and Kenny gulp as Diana walks towards them. “Hello, fellow adventurers!” Diana beams. “What are you names?” Kenny and Lisa both mumble their names to Diana, in hopes that she would leave them alone. “Well, Kenny and Lisa, May God bless you in the game!” Diana hugs both of them individually, severely creeping them both out. So much so they feel the need to make confessionals about her. : (CONF) Kenny: This is why I’m an atheist. : (CONF) Lisa: Nothing against Christians, but why does every reality show HAVE to cast one?